Paying Attention

Heeding the signs around us makes us better leaders

I’ve been getting all kinds of signals over the last couple of days that I can’t force things to happen the way I want them to.  Acting in a way that doesn’t fit with the larger environment is a recipe for disappointment, too much ineffective work, and unhappy surprises.

An example: Coming home after an early morning trip to the gas station, I stopped at a busy intersection where I still had the green light because I could see the traffic was backed up on the other side.  I inched forward, though not into the intersection, because I thought it might clear in time for me to make it across.

The very assertive crossing guard had a different plan for me.  He started blowing his whistle from across the road and motioning for me to back up.  Not only me, but the car behind me too.  The light hadn’t even turned yellow yet.

Of course, I began to feel indignant and a little embarrassed: “Who are you to tell me what to do?”

In the end, he was absolutely right.  My car was blocking the crosswalk where a mother and her two young kids needed to cross to get to school.  With his experience of the timing of the lights and flow of traffic, he knew there was no way I was getting through on this sequence.

I used the forty seconds at the red light to take a few deep breaths, soothe my bruised sense of superiority, and recognize what had just happened.

As I moved slowly forward at the next green, I caught the officer’s eye, smiled, and gave him an appreciative wave.

If I can’t impose my will on the situation, does that leave me with total surrender?  Passivity and being only reactive?  Putting myself at the mercy of others and circumstances?

Of course not.  

Paying attention and responding to what you find is quite a long way from either of these other options.  Power and influence come from noticing what’s going on and finding the right moment.

I was at a talk last night being given by consultant and author Rick Maurer during which he reviewed six principles for building commitment.  These come from his book Why Don’t You Want What I Want? and include:

• Know your intention
• Consider the context
• Avoid knee jerk reactions
• Pay attention
• Explore deeply
• Find ways to connect

In the aggregate, these principles remind us of the paradoxical truth that in order to be influential we need to open up to being influenced ourselves.

Only then do we stand a chance of getting what it is we want.

The Myth of Generations

What’s up with this fascination we have?  A modest proposal for doing something different.

Something has been bugging me for quite a while, so it’s time to write about it.

I’m troubled by all the time and space that is being given over to the exploration of the generations at work.  It really started with us, the Baby Boomers.  We were the first such cohort in history identified, with our own characteristics, culture, clothing, language, etc.  

Our parents, the “Greatest Generation” (or Silent Generation or Traditionalists), were only identified later and in contrast to the Boomers.

Now we have Generation X, Generation Y (the Millennials), and even Generation Z (the Digital Natives).  

And, like with everything else in our lives, the timeframes are being compressed.  Where a generation used to be 20-25 years, because that’s how long it took for one generation of humans to produce the next one, we’re now down to 15 years or less to define a “generation”.

I guess we’re changing the definition.

I can work with that -- up to a point.  Sure, the distinctions many are making between these various groups do have some utility.  Entering any new culture, it is always a good idea to be familiar with the norms and customs.  That will help to smooth the interactions and soften any misunderstandings.

And we’ve gone more than a bit overboard with it all.

I have theory about it: our current fascination with these new “generations” is borne out of our era’s obsession with difference.  It is individualism run amok.  More harshly, I wonder if these generational divides aren’t a 20th century phenomenon resulting from our worship of youth and casting aside of the aged.

Traditional, indigenous societies have always had a both-and approach to the generations.  In their rites of passage, initiates would be fully embraced by their elders, recognized as the new hope for the future.  AND, at the same time, they would be responsible for honoring what came before.  Indelible webs of connection were built across the divides.

Before you dismiss me as some old f@&t off on a rant, I want to say I’m not for going back to some misperceived ideal.  I am, however, arguing strongly against over-reliance on facile, artificial distinctions at the expense of what we have in common.  We need to find the new both-and; the source of connection between us.

Rites of passage are about becoming part of the group.  Finding commonality.  Having a place.  Learning the rules (and changing them when needed).  Without sacrificing individuality.

The antidote to the divisions and distinctions is conversation.  Real, meaningful conversation.  Always has been.  These generations will find new and exciting ways to work together and learn from each other by creating genuine relationships through sincere interaction.

Know yourself.  Be curious about the other.

Resilience in Teams

How do you build success in turbulent times?  Here are some ideas.

A colleague and I are preparing to give a talk in a few weeks.  The title of this piece of brilliance is “Finding Your Feet in Turbulent Times.”  We will be exploring what it takes for teams and team leaders to be resilient.  

That is, what makes it possible for them to respond in a constructive way to unexpected disruptions, positive or negative, and the accompanying ambiguity?

You can think about the range of possible responses to disruption as falling along a continuum.  On one end is “rigid”, where responses come in the form of unthinking adherence to a prescription.  On the other end is “floppy”, where the team is overwhelmed by its process and is unable to execute or deliver.

Neither of these is very good.

“Resilient” falls somewhere in the middle.

There are a few key elements to the practice of being resilient.  Perhaps the most important of these is to have an outcomes orientation.

The essential thing about an outcome is that it is not your product or service or deliverable.  Your outcome describes what is different in the world as a result of someone using your product or service. 

Organizations produce outcomes, and so can teams.

Then, there is a set of principles that defines a resilient attitude.  This attitude is the foundation under your outcomes orientation.

• You have a belief system that comes from answers to questions like: “Who are you?”  “What are you here to do?”  These are the stories of success and failure that give life to your identity and purpose.
• You tune into the world around you, scanning the environment for information that tells you whether you’re on track, or not.
• You strive to create a sphere of excellence immediately around you.  Some of this comes from your identity, some from the detailed experience of carrying out your work.
• You recognize that you always have a choice.  No victim mentality here.
• You find community in a web of support: networks, partnerships, and alliances.

Finally, there is a small toolkit of practices that will help lead you toward your outcome.  These are actions you and your team undertake together to enhance your effectiveness: Forming, Planning, Reviewing Progress, and Learning.  Each of these actions has a shape and a rhythm that will be unique to your purpose and circumstances.

This is how we see the basic structure of resilient teams.  Do these ideas fit with your experience of resilience?  What would you add or change?

Effective Mis-Communication

How do you know you’ve got your message across?

Got a great reminder today of the bi-directional nature of effective interaction.

A two-person team had to complete a task.  One side knew what the end product had to be, the other had to execute.  The flow of information was constrained.  While they could talk to each other, neither partner could see what the other had.  Sound familiar?

The forehead-slapping insight came at the end when the pair looked at its result and discovered it had produced exactly what the one partner had described, and it was nothing like the spec that had been provided.

How can such perfectly “clear” communication lead to such a messed up result?

For one thing, you need to periodically check in on progress.  The team didn’t.  Each exchange can be thought of as a little experiment.  Experiments in which you are trying to create shared meaning.  

At the end of an experiment, you need to review the result.  Are you on track?  If you are, keep going.  If not, figure out where you are, make any needed adjustments, and carry on from there.

This can be challenging in circumstances where the channels and mechanisms are not ideal.  Challenging, but not impossible.  You have to be very thoughtful about the questions you ask.

“Do you understand what I said?” is usually not a good question.  “What have you got?”  “What you do need?”  “How can I help?” are better.

The other key element is a sense of shared accountability for the outcome.  It’s not just words and information that needs to flow in both directions. 

Success comes only when both sides realize that one cannot succeed without the other.  The designer needs the implementer and vice versa.  The project team needs the client and vice versa.

These are not big things, but they make a big difference.

The Case for Empathy, Briefly

It leads to better outcomes at work.

Empathy is the foundation skill for all social competencies that are important at work.

I didn’t just say that, Daniel Goleman did in his 1998 book, Working with Emotional Intelligence.

What is empathy?  According to the Random House Dictionary, empathy is the vicarious participation in or experiencing of the thoughts, feelings, or attitudes of another; the ability to imagine oneself in another’s condition.

So what’s the big deal with this?  

In our shrinking and interdependent world, empathy is proving to be indispensable to success.  We humans are fundamentally social creatures.  Neuroscience shows us more and more how our brains are wired for social participation.

As we connect ourselves to greater and greater numbers of other human beings, whether in person or electronically, our capabilities to understand and appreciate get tested and pushed to new levels.

Empathy moves us to a place where there can be listening, trust, and respect.  My friend and author Rick Maurer says you give up nothing by treating people with respect.

When you work to access the perspective of someone else, when you step to her side and acknowledge the validity of what is there (notice I didn’t say “agree with”), you reduce the tension in the room and help everyone get more of what they want: solutions, agreements, better relationships.

I see empathy as an accelerant of change.  Empathic involvement of all who are affected by a change raises the likelihood that the resisters in the room will feel heard, valued, and trusted.  This reduces the severity of their resistance and raises the odds for success.

Our world is complex.  Our entrained response to this complexity is to simplify it so we can control it.  This reductionism no longer serves us in most situations.  Empathy allows us to stay with complexity’s ambiguity longer so that we can give ourselves a better chance to arrive at more sustainable solutions.

Engaging empathically increases the range of options available to us in changing, volatile, unpredictable environments.

Improving our empathic abilities can bridge the gulf between head and heart, leading to workplaces that are engaging, innovative, and more productive.